Casting Johnny Depp in 'Into the Woods' Is a Very, Very, Very Bad Idea

Ace/INF Photo

I am going to say something that is a bit controversial: Johnny Depp is not a good actor. Yes, yes. I know. He was great in the past. Really great, and different, but note the use of the present tense. He is no longer that great. Sometime around when he sold his soul for a private island and started playing Captain Jack Sparrow year after year, all that talent just dried up. I mean, The Tourist? Dark Shadows? The Rum Diary? His nine millionth collaboration with Tim Burton? No thank you to all of that.
Now he's in discussions to star in the film adaptation of Into the Woods. Oh hell no. Please do not. Do not do such a horrible awful thing to Stephen Sondheim's classic interpretation of what happens to fairy tale characters after their stories are over. There is no role in this musical for which Johnny Depp is in any way qualified. In fact, the only thing that he's qualified to play at all is the lead role in Love in an Elevator: The Stephen Tyler Story. That is the film he should be starring in, not this!
Firstly, he is too old to play the lead role of The Baker. He is also too old to play Jack of Beakstalk fame. He is also too old to play any of the Princes. What's left? The Wolf? Knowing Depp, this is surely the role for which he's intended. Yes, it's a small role, but still. It's prime for Depp to transform into a bag of quirks.
Even worse: Meryl Streep, the patron saint of acting and accents, has been cast as The Witch in the movie. As such, Depp will only look worse in contrast. Thankfully he's only "in talks" to be in the movie, according to Variety, but sadly Depp has experience both with Sondheim (the not unwatchable Sweeney Todd) and director Rob Marshall, who directed the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But please, for the love of all that is holy, I beg you to not to let this happen.