Unhappy Hour: Bill Hader, Don't Go! Plus 8 Other Bummers This Week

Dana Edelson/NBC

Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of May 13 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we'll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week's issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that'll put hair on your chest. Here are the week's entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
It's That Thing Where You Make Yourself a Homemade Cocktail
Saturday will be the last time we ever see Stefon on SNL. Bill Hader is sadly leaving SNL.
In case you forgot, this is Stefon in all his clubbing glory:

But it gets worse. (Sort of.) Fred Armisen and Jason Sudeikis are leaving too. Who's going to be Creepy Joe Biden or Joy "So What, Who Cares?" Behar? Oh wait, we'll be okay after all.
We can't get over 1990s Leo. How is possible that we still crush this hard on Leonardo DiCaprio? It hurts.
New York's Hottest Drink is Anything That Makes You Feel Like Dancing
Kanye. Seriously? Stop telling people you're not a celebrity. You just put your face on 66 buildings across the U.S. You're a Grammy-winning, outspoken rapper who's having a kid with the queen of reality television. Just stop.
Justin Bieber doesn't care about his monkey. Germany wants him to pick up his adandoned monkey, but Bieber doesn't appear to be playing ball.
We only wish we looked this good: All the most fashionable celebs are walking red carpets at Cannes this week. And yes, we're covetting every last designer dud.
Bea Arthur naked is worth more than your house. Probably. I guess it depends on what kind of house you live in.
Alright, Even Stefon Knows When It's Time For Straight Whiskey
If you actually got Beyonce concert tickets, sorry. A new report makes it almost certain that Queen B is with child. The single ladies dance certainly can't maintain its fervor now.